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17 February 2016 @ 07:24 pm
trainwrecks: part 3 of N  
Meta: The following is something I haven't talked about nor do I really want to openly discuss outside of this venue.

Life took an interesting detour in October. After our annual wine-tasting and goofing off over at the Autumn Leaf Festival in Leavenworth in September, we headed back to Seattle and work. We continued on with our daily lives.

About midway through October, things changed. Greg let me know that she had taken a pregnancy test and that it had come out positive.

I don't think "trying" would be the right word. Not not trying would be more accurate. Her physician had advised her that it was unlikely to happen and so we kind of left it at that. I think I'm a fan of the concept, but Greg's been dealing with some struggles and so it was put on the backburner while she worked on life. So ... that certainly came as a shock. Not entirely unexpected, but definitely not something that was part of the year's plans.

She scheduled her first checkup, and I went with her. Things were fine. We went to a pregnancy group session at a local hospital to start getting the ball rolling on looking into childbirth options. It's really really weird. It's the first quiet introduction to your primary hobby for the next eighteen plus years. The people were nice, and we found someone to work with that Greg liked. Everybody else was a lot further along, but Greg's generally always been pretty prepared.

We didn't really talk about it too much. It was just something that going to happen and probably be grueling but fun. I kind of thought about saying something at Thanksgiving, but Greg was going to visit her mom then and ... it was still too early.

Aaaaaaand that was correct. She had a miscarriage.

It was kinda heartbreaking. I don't know if we expected anything to really come of it, but -- it seemed like maybe this could really happen.

My family is the normal weird nuclear mess. I make the most of it, clinging tightly to those I identify as my family (the Robinsons), but -- I also have the second shadow biological family of my dad, complete with half-sister, semi-adopted ex-stepbrother, a lot of ex-stepmoms, a grandma I've never met, and just other mad weirdness.

I liked the idea of having my own family that wasn't "weird". Maybe that's not going to happen.
Triumphant and Awesome: Bun-Bunpetit_chou on February 18th, 2016 07:11 am (UTC)
I'm sorry that you and G are going through hard shit. Mike and I talk often about how sometimes we feel so indecisive about Big Life Decisions that we wish something would happen that would make it clearer. My hope for you both is that this experience, awful as it is, may help crystalize some feelings one way or another that were up till now a little unclear. (That's a long-range hope. For now, I hope the hurt gets smaller every day.)
Sallysallysimpleton on February 18th, 2016 07:46 am (UTC)
I'm sorry you two went through this heartbreaking experience.
slightly radiantalibee on February 18th, 2016 07:36 pm (UTC)
I send you both hugs.